Oh hello. this post is going to be just like the title, all over the place and probably make no sense. I just can’t find any fucks to give about it because I left my last fuck with my 7th grade class photo, which could have very well become a viral meme not in a good way and I thank the lord that the honor went to that poor unfortunate soul, “Bad luck Brian”. I’m sure you know it, here’s one of them.

My sister and I were just talking this the other day, about how the time has come where your home videos are immortalized on what is “The World Wide Web.” Where people post that shit on facebook not to laugh with you but absolutely to laugh at you. We literally thank the lord that we missed that boat, and that no one is going to go and try to digitize our VHS home videos in the near future. It would be.. MORTIFYING. haha.

Within the last year, I started having obsessive compulsive tendencies in some areas of my life when other areas of my life are completely out of my control. It started when I was at language school and failing and has grown worse since I found out I have to leave the military. My OCD began around my finances of all things, where I just wanted to get my finances in order and I started obsessing over it. It became something I worried about daily, and personally I know that this is not something you should agonize over daily, I just couldn’t help it.

Now, 5 months later, as I am planning to get out of the military very shortly, I have been agonizing over that fact and started doing a multitude of research about leaving the military. Definitely helpful stuff but I am starting to lose my mind. As in, the other day, when I found out I could leave my belongings in Non-Temporary Storage for a minimum of a year, but they would stay in California and not be near Pennsylvania, I freaked out.

Then I went home and tried to process the reasoning behind that and I couldn’t come up with one. Sometimes I think I am loosing complete control and other times I feel like I have it together but having lived abroad and traveled extensively I should not be so focused on where my belongings are kept in non-temp storage. I mean, am I going clinically insane? I hope not. I have always known that I have a very overanalyzing mindset, as in, I rethink and think and rethink situations that have occurred or could occur with my mind punctuating each moment as a separate memory and I am not certain why I do this and I know it might not be the most normal, but this is how I process things.

As I get ready to pack all my things up and move back to my hometown, I am processing many things. Or should I say overanalyzing them. Like who starts their life over at the age of 31?, what is it like to move home unemployed?, what will come next?. I suppose these are normal questions that anyone who will soon be unemployed would have and I hope that I can find the peace of mind to move through these questions in my own way. Particularly because I have very unconventional plans for after I leave the military that will come with big fears and challenges but my heart is set…

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